I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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