There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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