there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
