omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
