cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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