people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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