you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
