he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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