My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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