That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
