I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
