I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My pussy is not your playground.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
