I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
