The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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