He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
