Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
