shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
