Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
