i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
