I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
