Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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