capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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