Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
