I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
