if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
