remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Let's get the cat blown out
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
