Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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