Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
