Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
