I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
