Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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