remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
