So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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