we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's rum buckets o'clock
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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