at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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