He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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