i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
