ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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