Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can you bring me the toilet please
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
