Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
