i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
