State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
