i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
