Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
