Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
