Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
