Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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