i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
you never un-have a 4some
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
