i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
