I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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