yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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