Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
