What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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