her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There r osticjed everywhere
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
