alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
