I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Alive.
So much puke
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
