people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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