I faked an abortion last night.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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