You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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