He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
