It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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