im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
