Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
