I wish I could teleport
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
