yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
