my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
