Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
