mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
