My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize