Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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