I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
