I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
