it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize