He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
