textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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