his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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