you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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