When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Shitshow foam night was such a success
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
