Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
