he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dear god my vagina.
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