Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
