my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
