the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
