Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize