Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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