do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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