for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
