Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
