is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
