sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
