I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
