someone threw a dead crab at me
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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