he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
