Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
