It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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