I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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