i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
