so explain again why im purple
no
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we made out on top of his cat.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
