I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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