I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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